It is a reality that sometimes marriages crumble under the demands brought about by raising kids. Attention, used to be exclusively given to a spouse, is now divided between the spouse and the kids. Babies cry. Nappies pile high. Tempers flare. Relationships go sour. Having kids is a blessing, but it is never without challenges and even hardships.
Communication is essential in a marriage. A wife may be too busy tending to the kids that she does not notice her husband has arrived home. He is hungry and tired from work and now just wants to have dinner and rest. Worst, he finds his wife smelling like stale milk. Because he does not want a fight and cannot take the mess, he goes out to have dinner somewhere else. But of course, this is a double standard example. More and more women today are working. And it is not impossible for a man to be the one taking care of the kids and preparing dinner. If you are in the same situation, speak out. Tell your spouse what you are going through and what you expect. Offer solutions. Express yourself in a way that does not ignite an argument. Problems are not solved because the husband and wife do not have the time to talk or just do not want to talk about them.
It is imperative for both husband and wife to stay committed to their vows no matter what pressures and challenges they are facing. Commitment not only involves functioning well as parents, but also serving each other’s emotional and physical needs. Even then, staying committed does not have to be a conscious effort to be together. Loving each other and staying in love are the keys to a resilient marriage. When the relationship of the parents is good and strong, it is reflected in the kind of home they are creating for their kids.
It is never right to assume that small kids do not see changes in their parents’ relationship. They may not fully understand things, but they can sense what is happening. If they were robots, they would not be asking questions like “Why is Dad always away? Or “Why don’t Mom and Dad talk to each other?” Couples should never see raising kids as something negative or something that will tear them apart. They should see their kids as a bigger reason to be together. Acknowledge that crying babies, rising tuition fees, and spilled dinners are a part of the terrain of a parent’s heart. And that being a good parent starts with being a good spouse.
Healing a Broken Marriage
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. It is the union of two individuals bound by love.
Everything may seem perfect at the start of marriage, but remember life is a constant change. Smiles and laughter will sometimes be changed to sorrow, grief, or disappointment. There will be times that you don’t feel loved and taken for granted. These circumstances may lead to marital discord or unfaithfulness of the partner or even both and eventually, to separation. In this time, healing a marriage is needed to bring back the couples unity.
“Willingness” is the key to heal a marriage. Willingness to work on the marriage plays a great role in reconciliation. Both parties need to be willing to make it work and live a satisfied life. It means that the couple will invest in a brand new trust for each other, which isn’t easy. One thing that will help couples get through a rough road is to love each other wilfully. Love is a decision, not a feeling. A love that is unselfish and trustworthy, and never take each other for granted. Exercising openness and understanding can lead to a harmonious life with each other.
Practice a positive view in marriage. This is a big help for couples to stay in a marriage. Married couples won’t be as flexible as they used to be. Some tend to get bored with each other. Responsibilities may tear them apart. So, how do we see marriage positively? Well, couples have each other in every endeavour they go through. They can do things together. They can have someone to talk to anytime they need to. And it will be nice to think that they have someone to grow old with.
Loveawake dating site in reference to psychologist and senior researcher at the University of New Mexico, who is co-author to Brian Doss of New Mexico A&M University, Galena Rhoades, says living with the four C’s will help heal a marriage. The first one is Commitment. Couples should always keep in mind of the commitment they have during their wedding. It’s a promise that’s made by the person themselves. Continuously living by it will help them through. Secondly is Communication. It is important that the husband and wife talk and listen to each other. Miscommunication can lead to destruction. The third C is Confrontation; confronting lovingly. It is how it is said that will make all the difference. And lastly, it is Compromise. Adjustment is part of life. There are no two individuals alike; in Psychology it is called individual differences. Since marriage is bonding two individuals together, both parties need to adjust. That is why couples need to take time to know more about each other. Even though they live together, quality time is important. Conforming to each other will bring harmony.
To end, forgiveness is the most important thing to heal marital conflicts. It doesn’t mean forgetting the pain of one’s fault, it is “to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt.” After all, it brings peace.